Monday, February 12, 2007



Yemen was once given the responsibility of taking me back to Kasiapuram after a visit to Kurumbalaperi. We went by bus and after alighting from the bus to reach our home we had to walk by a sandy stretch through palmyra-tamarind fields. Along the stretch we had our family cemetery. It had tombs of our grandparents and that of my amma. I used to always have a mixed feeling whenever I went that side. It was a bit weird. I always wanted to sneak a look at the tomb and at the same time had a sort of fear to look at that side at all. Usually the former feeling used to win. This time I was on the shoulders of Yemen and he started talking about amma as we were nearing the cemetery. I was, as usual, in splits. I was under Macbethian to-be-or-not-to-be dilemma. I did not turn till we almost crossed the cemetery. But I succumbed to the temptation at the last minute. I turned for a fraction of second towards amma’s tomb. What I saw there is still quite fresh in my mind. On both the sides of my mother’s tomb I saw two very tall angels in the usual kneeling position with bowed head and folded hands that we see in pictures. Those two guardian angels were so brighteningly white. They, in the kneeling position, were to the height of the palmyra trees at the background. It was just for a fraction of a second but that “apparition” had become a permanent mental picture.

As an atheist now I analyze that ‘apparition’. It had been rammed into me that each person would be ‘supplied’ with a guardian angel and it takes care of you and all that stuff. And one sees pictures and statues of angels in that kneeling position. I was also quite convinced that my mother should have gone straight to heaven since she was considered by everybody as a good person. These facts being in my inner mind made me see what I wanted to see there. Rather it was a projection of my own mental picture. Apart from the dream my periyamma had at the time of amma’s death which I said about earlier, this is the one another ‘supernatural’ thing that had occurred in my life. While I am able to give satisfactory explanation for this second episode, I am still not able to adduce any explanation for the first.

After I switched over to urban life Yemen visited us twice. He came to Madurai for some medical help. Though I did not understand anything about his ailment then, now I assume that he should have got gangrene on his toe. He was advised to get it amputated. But he refused the first time and went to back to his village. After some time when he came back it seemed the condition had worsened and was asked to go for amputation of the whole foot. He declined to go for it and went back. That was the last of him. I came to know that he passed away shortly due to that wound. Whenever I went to Kurumbalaperi after that I used to enquire about his family. I got only disinterested answers. By that time chithi got married and my visits to Kurumbalperi became rare. Though I had never got any other information about him or his family, till this date his memories in me have never left. Probably he became a reference point in my life for my feelings towards the evils of caste system. Better I talk about this in a separate chapter.



சிறில் அலெக்ஸ் said...

I used to wonder how wet dreams occur. Wet dreams is when the body wants to sxcrete excess semen it 'creates' a dream that causes an errection and the semen gets out.

This dream is not imagination. You need not have seen any sexually explicited scenes nor have any knowledge about it. The body does it automatically.

The mind is capable of many things, like creating illussions that look so real.

Once in my sleep I felt as if someone is strangling me. The feeling was so real. When I wokr up I realized I was dreaming and I could only attribute it to some kind of respiratory problem that I might have had. The mind puts that physical condition in place by giving you a picture.

Did you check back if there were statues or not?

sam said...


//Did you check back if there were statues or not? //
no chance . that so called cemetery was nothing but பொட்டல் காடு with 3 or 4 tombs of moderate height then. it is only an illusion born out of the ingrained menatl pictures that every christian child would have.

about the dreams you mention - i always find it very hard to explain. actually you will be falling from the cot in sleep. it is going to happen in a jiffy. but within those milliseconds, we dream (or atleast i have dreamt like that a few times) as if we are chased by something or somebody and we fall into a ditch - right at the time when we fall from cot! terrific synchronization! i dont know how it all happens.

in wet dreams i think one can explain. posture or something leads to physical arousal and erection. erection casues emotional distrubance and then the dream and ejection. more than this i think the other type of dream i mentioned earlier is hard to explain.

cinna said...

Emen comes alive in your pen-picture. It is really tragic that he died of gangrene. To go through life as a 'slave' and die as one with a long list of unfulfilled dreams is even more tragic. I suppose that is what we call death in life.

cinna said...

Sir, Emen comes alive in your deft pen-picture. Interesting observations of life in the village

பயணமும் எண்ணங்களும் said...

Sir how can I subscribe to your posts.. Very informatory..


தருமி said...

பயணமும் எண்ணங்களும்,

மிக்க நன்றி.